I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
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Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
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Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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