I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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