Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize