MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
