I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
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Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
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STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
The ass gains better be worth it
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