i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize