You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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