it wasn't lemon gatorade
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
