put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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