flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
