Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
