We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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