Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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