conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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