I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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