i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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