rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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