Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
