im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
