Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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