There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
