piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
