ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
