i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
birth control should be required to get into college
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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