she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
FUCK WHALES
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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