im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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