Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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