Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
