i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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