I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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