Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
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My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
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Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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