wat bout pragnant strippers??
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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