you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
