Fine. I'll sleep in my office
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
