I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
