He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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