3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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