Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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