____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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