I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
