I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
