I'm going to jail i love you
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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