Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
