Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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