How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
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He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
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I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"