I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START