You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic