I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life