I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me