I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
