nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
