I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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