Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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