He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
