Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Panties = found
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