Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
