Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
