There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
