I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
