how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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