From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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