If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
