hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
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