Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
