My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
