It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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