my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
