I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
