dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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