tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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